Christmas

It's tough for me to do anything outside of work at Christmas.  I'm in retail.  I work 50 hours a week, at least.  Somehow everyone forgets that and starts begging me to bake cookies, help out with their animals and wrap presents.  Some people even invite me to parties.  *raises eyebrows*  This is also when all the family get-togethers are and when Christmas concerts and charity events are.  Believe it or not, I'm a great supporter of charity.

That being said, I'm busy.  Maybe I'll post again before I die.  Don't hold your breath.  Or you'll die before me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Con't

OK, other things that the novice writer thinks is OK:

1. "I'm writing a series" as a defense.  If the first book has flaws, it doesn't matter how many you're cranking out.
2. "It's X genre" as a defense.  It doesn't matter what genre it is, character and plot are universal.  Don't tell me because I haven't read X genre, I don't know what I'm talking about.  You have no idea what I've read.  You have never seen my personal library.  Or been a member of the numerous writing groups that I have.
3. Listless questions.  "What was she going to do?"  I answer these in my head.  And I'm a smart &^%$.  You don't want me answering these.
4. Don't e-mail three times in one day.  Definitely don't rant, rave or insinuate I don't know my job.
5. Do not introduce 20 characters in the first five pages.  If you're book is 60,000 wds. long, you shouldn't have more than 15 characters.  And you can introduce them gradually.  If you're writing a short story, it's less.
6. Naming everyone with the same letter.  Ricky, Rita and Rhonda might be cutesie in real life, but it doesn't read that way.  Also, Jane, Elizabeth and Darcy are archetypal characters in literature.  Unless there is a symbolic reason, don't name your lead female Elizabeth, her sister Jane and the cute guy Darcy.

This list is by no means complete, but these are the biggies I see when I'm editing.

Anyway, I'm gonna shut up--or rather, stop typing now.

Let me preface this with an apology for my absence.  Obviously, I've never been good at keeping a blog.  I make one, maybe two entries, then I'm done.  Because I have a real life.  And a short attention span.  So even though it's been a couple of months since my last (and only) post, I'm going to stick with it this time, dammit. 

In my short time as a professional editor, I have noticed that authors make the same mistakes.  They may not make them all at the same time, but they all make them.

1. Overused words: When I was in high school, my English teacher threatened any of us who used 'thing' in our documents.  She kept a list of words on the wall that drove her crazy.  I've become especially sensitive to think, feel and thing, but my list now includes a whopping 30+ words that make me cringe.  This is not a complete list, by any means, but these are the top offenders.  All cerebral words, understand, realize, imagine, wonder.  Smile, look, eye, nod, pause, beautiful, hurt (I hurt every time I see this word), pain (yes, it causes me to suffer when I read this one too), angry (a recent addition), emotion (come on, this is a weaselly way of getting around feeling).  Hedging words and phrases like guess, sort of, kind of, seems, almost, maybe, doubt, a bit, just, only.  If I see these more than once every 1000 words, I go nuts.  (And I mean 1 from the list every thousand words.  I don't mean each one every 1000.)  I'm amazed that I don't find more blogs and writing aids that list these. 

"The woman is beautiful."  Really?  What does that say?  What does it actually mean?  I have a friend who thinks women who are overweight are gorgeous.  To each his own.  It's much more appealing to say, "The woman slipped into gorgeous the way she wrapped the chemise around her body."  



2. Adverbs:  OK, these belong under Overused words, but I'm giving them their own heading.  Contrary to the implication of the word, adverbs rarely add to a sentence.  You will almost always be better off looking at the verb and adverb combination and trying to come up with a better way of saying it.  I can't tell you how many times I've read the sentence, "He/she walked quickly to X location."  *Hand smack to face.*  Do you know how many great verbs you can replace this with?  Dash, dart, jog, run, haul tail.  These are right off the top of my head.  Imagine what I could do if I booted up thesaurus.com.  If you're creative, this can be replaced with, "She was only hindered in her pace by the craggy hill blocking X location."

3. Duplicate words:  This one is self-explanatory.  Deep breath, don't use the same word, like room, twice in the same sentence, paragraph or page.  Well, maybe the same page, if the writing is good enough.  But I kid you not, I spend too much of my time highlighting the same words.  One room,  ah-ah-ah (insert the Count from Sesame Street laughing), two room, ah-ah-ah.  If you do it three times, you'll get my Lionel Richie impression, Once, Twice, Three Times, a lady . . . but I don't love you or it.

4. Rehashing:  This only works on TV.  And it doesn't work that well.  Take Vampire Diaries.  I love this show for the singular reason that Ian Somerhalder is mouth-water, lip-smacking, OMG gorgeous.  Recently, an episode, For Whom the Bell Tolls, demonstrated exactly my point.  First Jeremy tells Damon that Bonnie is dead.  We get to see Ian Somerhalder's reaction to the news.  Boy, I can take Ian Somerhalder scrunching his forehead in frustration and anguish any day.  Then we get to see it again with the next actor, whoever that was, because I don't care if Ian Somerhalder isn't on the screen.  Then again with the next.  Then the next!  AAGGHHH!!!!!  Seriously, TV and movies can get away with this for two reasons: we are not wholly engaged in what's going on (i.e. even with DVR, I tend to tritz to the bathroom or kitchen while watching) and each actor (if done well) can bring originality to the repetition.

To be continued . . . I'll try to continue sooner than in a few months.

Four Things About Me

I’m going to take another stab at this blogging thing.  I'm really optimistic about this venture, so this blog will probably last a week. This is a little bit about me:

A . Four jobs that I have had in my life:

1. proctor/tutor for the disabled also @ WSU

2.  clerk @ Waldenbooks

3. fast food worker

4.  JCPenney

 B. Four movies I would watch over and over (or have watched over and over)
1.  Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

2.  Harry Potter

3.  Pride & Prejudice w/Colin Firth & Jennifer Ehle

4.  Babe, the Sheep-pig

C) Four Books I've read

1. Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice

2. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

3. Hop on Pop by Dr. Suess

4. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

D) Four TV Shows that I watch:
1.  Vampire Diaries

2.  House

3.  Good Eats

4.  Mythbusters

E) Four places I have been:
1.  Chicago, IL

2.  Toronto, Canada

3.  New York, NY

4.  Philadelphia, PA           

G) Four of my favorite foods:

1.  Chocolate

2.  Cookies

3.  Asian cuisine

4.  Steak on a Stake

H) Four places I would rather be right now:  

1.  Umm, I'm at home, so I'm pretty good with that

2.  Greece

3.  Chicago 

4.  New York

I) Four Things I am looking forward to this year:

1.  Getting my husband fixed

2.  Hopefully getting an agent or some major publishing

3.  Becoming insanely wealthy

4.  Eating & sleeping