My Managers

I can't take management seriously. They are forever butchering this great American language, the distinguished English tongue. And I a mere grunt can't say a thing unless I want to make enemies:

Staffing Manager bursts in: Disaster reverted!!!

An Operations Manager: I purposefully chose to do it that way so we'd get the stats we need.

An e-mail from the above Staffing Manager: Could that of changed anything?

From a Staffing Admin [Must be contagious]: The wire has a shortage in it.

From a Personnel Manager: She needs to split her shit up today.

Somebody needs to put an F in their shit.

But she caught it: I just want to clarify. She need to split her shift up. I may have confused some of you.

Nope, you amused us.

Different Personnel Manager: Joe Smith, who would like to pick up, Jane Doe, can't do it. I think it's because he already has a shift.
Face Palm

An e-mail chain that was going around work:

Manager One: 

X has documentation from his doctor stating that he cannot work past 9:30pm until further notice.

What is the best way to accommodate this scheduling need for this associate?

Manager Two:

What is the reasoning given as well as the end date?

Manager One:

X had been hospitalized for an open womb and it is healing. His leg for several weeks has been causing him some pain and he cannot take his medication while at work.

Manager Two (who clearly didn't read this e-mail closely enough):

Ok, thanks for providing.  We really need to have an end date from his doctor so that we know what to go off of.  

Manager Three:

Eek!  X has a womb?  And it's open!

Manager Two:

Lol...I was wondering about this too [Sure you were]
 

Manager One: 

LOL! Its closing now. It’s on his leg. I don’t think we have anything to worry about.

Manager Three:

Phew!  Good to hear.

  

Admin:

This is to funny.